When I first started dating my now husband of 16 years, it would take me forever to return his calls. He never complained but when I’d see him, he’d ask what I’ve been up to and throw little hints here and there about how it would’ve been great if I’d call him back sooner. I would always answer him in cryptic non-committal sentences but not because I was playing hard to get. Rather, it was because I didn’t want him to know I often spent hours grooming myself instead of checking my answering machine. I mean, I didn’t want him to think I was super vain, even though I was. 😜 Back then, it wasn’t uncommon for me to turn my phone off and send all calls to the answering machine (yes, this was a looonng time ago, before cell phones) while I soaked in mud baths and gave myself facials after spending hours at the gym after work. I did this so many times that I’d collect enough messages for it to take a while for me to go through them. I wasn’t trying to be mean, I just wanted to do what I wanted to do to and for myself before I got back to anyone. I was only 20 years old and still in my self-centered stage.
Fast forward almost two decades and I’m starting to notice that article after article in Cosmo is about how we women should build our attractiveness to men by being “high value” women 😳. What the eff does that mean? Well, according to them, as well as a gazillion romance and relationship websites, there’s apparently a 12-step process that goes something like this: 1) only answer every 3rd call from him, 2) find friends and schedule stuff, 3) don’t answer his texts until he threatens to file a missing person report, 4) post pictures of yourself having tons of male friends on social media, 5) find a hobby, 6) go on a diet, 7) exercise…a LOT, 8) start a business, 9) travel the world (and meet lots of guys for Instagram 🤷🏽♀️), 10) get a new hairstyle, 11) adopt a pet, and most importantly, 12) do NOT call him until he smoke signals an interest for interaction 🤔. Apparently, this raises “value” and makes men see you as more attractive. Now, to me, this just sounds rude and an unnecessary waste of time. It also sounds like it will certainly piss anyone, let alone a man, off if they find out this is an intentional scheme aimed at them. I mean, what’s the point of pretending to be busy when we can actually be busy just taking care of ourselves?
We often forget , that it is actually time consuming to do all sorts of beauty stuff. Whether it’s researching your next beauty purchase or actually using said beauty purchase, it is almost impossible to not be offline when you’re taking time to take care of yourself. And the thing is, t’s a lot more fun than ticking off a stupid checklist to “convince” him that you’re an attractive, high value woman.
When I asked my husband what he found attractive about me he said, “You’re fun. When I’d call and you would take a while to call back, I always thought you were out having fun so I wanted to chase after you so I could have fun too.” Well, the truth is, I WAS having fun (albeit, taking care of myself by myself 🤣) but he didn’t need to know that. 😉